I’m assuming you’re significant other has conceived, or at least don’t expect having any problems doing so. The mechanics are fairly well understood and I don’t have anything to add to it at this juncture. Now there are some difficult times ahead if her conception was recent, just pretend like you are a little dog, happy to do anything for her NO MATTER WHAT! Don’t worry, I broke a few times, trying to explain how unreasonable she was being… my advice stick to the dog routine (it might help if you pant a little). She has crazy amounts of hormones running through her body. Its like somebody trying to explain to you at 15 that it could have consequences to have sex at 15, at 15 sex seems like the best answer to everything. Well, her body is telling her all kinds of crazy things right ’bout now. She’s gotta deal with all that, you gotta deal with her… be the puppy, “yes dear I’d love to, of course, anything you want, let me get that for you”.
She’s probably gonna ask for help and advice on the birth plan, much of this is for moral support, but as moral support you should know enough to make her feel like you are supporting her in this process. Here are my pros and cons on different birth styles. The internet is full of these, especially from significantly more educated people. Whenever someone more educated tries to devalue my opinions (that are usually fairly well founded) I ask them if they’d feel better if I went and found someone with more eduction than them to disagree with them. There will ALWAYS be differing opinions, even among the most educated persons, so you’re allowed to make opinions of health and birth even if you’ve never had a biology class. I’d recommend you read a few more things other than this blog if you want to actually know something about it however.
C-sections are a modern day miracle, I have nothing bad to say about a cesarean any more than I’d have to say about an appendicitis. A C-section is a major surgery. Part of the reason they jump to doing one so quickly is that the liability for surgery is much lower (repeating hearsay). People aren’t supposed to die during pregnancy anymore, but people die often during surgery. I see an unnecessary C-section as an elective surgery. I know this is going to sound gross to many people, but evolution designed children to pass through the birth canal, picking up all those vaginal microbes and come out right next to the anus where there’s another unique culture of microbes. Some doctors would want to wisk the baby away to have it disinfected, of course some microbes in your body could make your baby very ill, on the other hand NOT having some microbes on your baby could make him/her ill in the long run.
Drugs are great. Even with a family I actively participate in (safer) experimental drugs (i.e. phenylbut, racetams, modafinel, etc). The point to remember about drugs is that the human body is extraordinarily complex, and when you take drugs you’re changing it with a sledge hammer… but now there are TWO bodily chemistries involved. In an epidural a small tube it put into your spine so they can administer a numbing agent into your spinal fluid. This is a fairly painful process to begin with, and has in some cases resulted in chronic pain decades afterward. An epidural can also cause the baby distress, causing him/her to poop in the womb, however it has also been shown babies get better oxygen because the mom isn’t hyperventilating. They can also result in a longer pregnancy, so they aren’t the end all best thing ever. Breathing correctly can help reduce pain without the use of drugs, some branches of the military teach breathing for pain and stress management.
Opiates (morphine) in low doses are generally safe for the baby, your body makes natural opiates to deal with pain and stress. However doctors may want to give higher doses of opiates requiring the baby to be administered opiate withdrawal drugs, personally I don’t think this is good. In personal experience (if I can call my wifes experience personal), she had a long pregnancy and they gave her a low dose of morphine hoping it would help her sleep so she could start fresh in the morning… it didn’t. She said it felt like it just inhibited her ability to push and she was up all night and exhausted in the morning (I slept on the couch like a good supporting husband…. HER MOM WAS THERE TOO!).
My personal preference is to find an easy going doctor/midwife, in or near a hospital, that will let the baby come when it comes. That will let things progress naturally, but won’t mess around if theres an issue and will rush you to the hospital when needed. It’s surprisingly difficult to find this, many states are making it difficult or flat illegal for midwifes to deliver babies. (because you aren’t smart enough to make your own decisions, and home-births are more dangerous than a c-section…I jest.) Ultimately you’re gonna have to let her make the decision, no matter what you’re opinions are. But I’d recommend offering some suggestions and as soon as she seems to have decided, support her whole heartedly.
You’re gonna be a daddy, congratulations!
Daddy Tips from the Toilet 