Don’t say, “you’re making me angry”

This is really more of a pet peeve, I have no evidence that it helps or hinders, but what does that say to your child when you say, “you’re making me angry”. 

That’s an awful amount of onus to put on a child and it shows by example, you are not in control of your emotions, they are. How do you expect your child to control their emotions and not throw tantrums if you are not in control of your emotions. Instead say, “I’m upset about that”. 

There should be a clear delineation between emotions and consequences for their actions. I.E. Don’t say, “I’m angry, you made a mess, go to your room”. Teach them to control their emotions by example. Give them opportunity to correct their actions, make it clear what the consequences are if they continue, and then matter of factly tell them the reason they’re being punished. 

I do believe it’s important to teach recognition of emotions.  Emotion  games, where you make a face and they guess what emotion it is, are fun and helpful, but those are usually caricatures of what real emotions look like. You should state your emotions, this helps you to recognize what you’re feeling as well as helping them learn the emotions. Even as adults we can learn to better recognize and regulate emotion. 

We’re all human, we all hit are emotional limits. Practice recognizing before you hit your emotional limits and take a break. 45 minutes of crappy cartoons are healthier than yelling at your kid; for you and your child.